The house is going to catch on fire, and I need to stay awake so I can get everyone out in time or we’re all gonna die.
That’s a strand of my inner monologue when I was six years old. What I now know is that I was suffering from a rampant undiagnosed anxiety disorder, and that anxiety manifested most strongly at night when everyone else was sleeping.
Until I was in my twenties, I would race to be asleep before the rest of the household. Growing up, in college, with roommates–if I was left as the only one awake, I knew I’d lost my chance for sleeping because I’d have to stay up, watching my vivid imagination put on the performance of its life every night, vividly trotting scenarios of tragedy and despair until the sun rose.
I had such extreme nighttime anxiety that I dreaded sleeping all day. But at some point, I’d had enough. Sleeping so poorly and inconsistently just…sucked. I was exhausted in every sense of the word.
After years of experimentation and practice, I successfully rewired my relationship with sleep, and a nighttime routine is where it started. I’m not kidding when I say it changed my life–and it can change yours.
Sleep is such a pinnacle of wellness that failing to prioritize it can be catastrophic on your mind, body, and life. So let’s talk about a simple, minimalist nighttime routine to help you wind down, reduce stress, and create a peaceful environment that promotes restful sleep, not fitful tossing and turning.
We’ll go over why nighttime routines are important, elements of a good one, how to build one that works with your lifestyle and schedule, and even look at a few examples you can implement.
Why a bedtime routine matters.
A nighttime routine isn’t just a way to wind down. It’s a strong cue to guide your circadian rhythm. Your circadian rhythm is basically the internal clock that regulates your sleep-wake cycle.
Good sleep hygiene is pivotal for circadian rhythm support. Sleep hygiene refers to the healthy habits, behaviors, environmental factors, and routines that help you fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake feeling rested.
A bedtime routine is simply a set of activities that you perform–ideally at the same times in the same order–every night in the half hour to an hour before bed. If you can establish a regular cycle of wind-down activities, you’ll signal to your body and brain that it’s time to transition to sleep, making it easier and more restful.
You can incorporate calming activities, such as stretching, hydrating with bedtime tea, meditating, or reading.
You can cut out habits harmful to sleep by putting screens away at least an hour before bed, avoiding big conversational topics or upset, and slowing down your physical activity.
Good sleep is directly linked to improved mood, better focus, and a happier home for everyone in it. Let’s talk about things you can do to tangibly improve your bedtime experience.
Declutter your bedroom for better sleep.
If you’re new to the game of sleep optimization, you might not know that a cluttered environment is linked with worse sleep across many areas of research. That means your first step to better sleep might to declutter your bedroom!
Here’s a quick guide if you need help: How To Declutter Your Bedroom [STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE]
Stick to a consistent sleep time.
Having a consistent sleep schedule is important for your body and mind to know when to produce different chemicals–e.g., melatonin to help you sleep, cortisol to wake you up.
The more consistently you keep to your schedule, the easier it will be to fall asleep. You can even learn to wake up without an alarm, which is fabulous for your rest cycle.
To determine your ideal sleep time, start by choosing a wake time that works for your lifestyle, responsibilities, and schedule. Ideally, you’re getting 7-10 hours of sleep, depending on your age, sex, and other biological factors.
Women tend to need between 8-10 hours to support hormonal function–WAIT, STOP! I’ve believed that was true for years! I was looking for a source to share with you and found this study that shows that the sleep difference in men and women isn’t due to biology, but more likely due to women generally doing more work in a day and requiring longer recovery time. Wow.
Anyway, a consistent sleep schedule is good to have. It helps you feel sleepy at bedtime, wake up refreshed, and stay asleep through the night.
Examples of bedtime routines to help you fall asleep.
For most of us, a nighttime routine works best when it’s between 30 and 60 minutes. Not too long that you don’t want to do it, but long enough that your body will adjust within the wind-down window.
I’ve experimented with MANY types of routines over the years–I’ve tried super long ones, I’ve tried as minimal as possible, and I’ve tried just about every calming activity you can think of. So let’s talk about it.
Nighttime routine activities.
Here’s a list of options (let me know if I missed your fav):
- Reading
- Stretching
- Listening to calming music
- Drinking herbal tea or hot water
- Journaling
- Meditating
- Tidying
- An extended hygiene routine
- A warm shower or bath
- Self-massage
- Self-“massage”
- Drawing, coloring, or another low-key artistic activity
- Making a to-do list for the next day
- Laying out your outfit
- Cuddling with a pet or partner
Activities to avoid before bed.
Here are things you might want to duck for the hour leading up to sleeping:
- Using screens
- Reading the news
- Scrolling
- Arguing or having deep conversations
- Pondering the Grand Scheme of Things
- Heavy exercise
- Eating (though this varies by person–if I haven’t eaten in the three hours leading up to bedtime, I won’t fall asleep)
The activities you choose to do and avoid will somewhat depend on you and your preferences (but screens are always bad). You can always try something out then decide it doesn’t work for you.
Here are three example bedtime routines, each designed to fit different lifestyles.
Solo Routine (30 minutes)
- 9:30 pm: Have a cup of herbal tea
- 9:35 pm: Wash face and brush teeth
- 9:40 pm: Read a book in bed
- 10:00 pm: Lights out
Partner Routine (45 minutes)
- 9:15 pm: Tidy up the living space together
- 9:25 pm: Prepare tomorrow’s coffee or meal prep
- 9:35 pm: Share a short conversation, gratitude practice, or stress-relieving activity
- 9:50 pm: Wash up
- 10:00 pm: Lights out
Parent Routine (60 minutes)
- 8:00 pm: Help kids with pajamas and teeth brushing
- 8:15 pm: Read a bedtime story, tuck in
- 8:40 pm: Take a warm shower
- 8:50 pm: Journal or meditate
- 9:00 pm: Lights out
By keeping your routine within a 30 to 60 minute window and performing activities in the same order each night, you’ll help your mind and body associate these calming rituals with sleep, making it easier to unwind and rest well.
But you can really make it as long as you’d like. I’ll be honest, there’s not a lot that’s “minimal” about my own nighttime routine…but on the other hand, maybe there is! It’s intentional and simple enough for me to stick to, so I suppose that’s minimal. Here’s what mine looks like:
Mia’s Routine (2.5 hours)
- 8:00 pm: Turn off “big screens” (TV and work laptop); tidy up house; see to animals and plants; listen to calm music or audiobook
- 9:00 pm: Put away phone; shower, skincare
- 9:30 pm: In bed; journaling, reading, listening to soft music on vinyl (to avoid screens and for better vibes)
- 10:30 pm: Lights out
Like I said, I had nighttime anxiety ever since I was little–if I ended up being the last one awake in the house, there was NO chance I was getting to sleep.
I actually used to avoid yawning because my cousin told me that yawning made you feel awake–I didn’t want to risk being up while everyone else was asleep, so I’d fight yawns ALL day because I was so terrified of being awake alone.
Anyway, that’s my sleep origin story. And now I fall asleep within ten minutes most nights, I wake up consistently without an alarm, and I rarely have night anxiety. I really credit my routine for this, because I structured it as a SLOW and gentle wind-down. I don’t spook myself by going from full stimulation to sudden silence.
And I’ll be honest, sometimes I mess up! Sometimes I’ll forgo my routine entirely, scrolling in bed up until I want to sleep, then being thrown into sudden dark and silence. And on those nights, I’m usually anxious. I typically take a few hours to fall asleep. The difference is shocking.
But most days, I follow this routine, and I feel SO much better for it.
“Too busy” for a nighttime routine? Try this.
You’re a parent. You have a job. You’re busy. I get it. Here are a few things you can implement without dedicating much time to it.
About 60 minutes before bed, dim the lights in your home. Avoiding bright lights in the evening helps signal to your body that it should start preparing for sleep.
About 30 minutes before sleep, choose one calming, low-stimulation activity. Reading a physical book is a great way to relax your brain. Journaling is another simple way to quiet your mind before bed.
Take 5 minutes to jot down your to-dos for the next day. Writing down your to-dos can help clear your mind and reduce stress, making it easier to fall asleep. In a way, you’re setting those tasks and worries aside with the promise that you’ll revisit them in the morning.
Avoid screens at least 30 minutes before bed. Electronic devices produce blue light, disrupting your sleep by signaling your body to stay alert. Try implementing a digital sunset: turn off all screens 30 to 60 minutes before bedtime to reduce blue light exposure and help your body wind down naturally. You can also tweak the settings on your devices to change the display colors in the evening, helping your eyes adjust gradually.
Morning habits that support sleep.
A good sleep routine is an all-day affair. Yes, really.
There are habits you can implement in the morning that support your circadian rhythm to make sleep easier and more restful. They include:
- Movement
- Sun exposure
- Gratitude
- A solid morning routine
More on that later.
Creating a good sleep environment.
If you’re a regular reader, you might know that I HATE buying things brand new. My furniture, clothes, and home decor are mostly secondhand buys, hand-me-downs, homemade, or something I found on the side of the road and refinished.
But I bought my bed frame, mattress, and bedding new and NOT cheaply. Because sleep is so important that I’m happy to make that investment. So let’s talk about what makes a good sleep environment.
Your bed.
How’s your mattress? Is it saggy, too stiff, too soft, gross? Buying a mattress can be labor intensive and confusing, but it’s worth the time and financial investment to have the best one for you.
How about pillows? Are they the right shape and material to support you? Do you often wake up with a stiff neck or a headache? Might be time for an upgrade.
Choosing breathable, minimal bedding can keep your bedroom comfy and clutter-free. Experts recommend a 65° Fahrenheit environment for ideal sleep, so having light bedding is often beneficial.
Air and light.
You also want your environment to be cool, well-ventilated, and quite dark. Blackout curtains and eye masks can help you out there. A shockingly small amount of light can disrupt your sleep, so getting as close as you can to absolute darkness will be better.
Sound.
Having a consistent sound is usually better for sleep than having mostly silence and an occasional random sound. A bump in the night can disrupt our sleep without us even realizing we’ve woken up. Or you can “partially” wake, where you come out of a deeper sleep cycle into a lighter one. If you can, consider using a white noise machine for consistency.
I know that’s not always possible for parents with young children, especially babies, but it’s a good note to keep in mind.
Breathing.
If you (or a bed partner) are snoring…no one in the room is sleeping well. Options include mouth taping (highly recommend), nasal strips, and humidifiers. If you have a fan blowing directly on you, that’s likely drying out your eyes and sinuses, so if you wake up with irritated eyes or dry mouth, you might need to brainstorm some new solutions (e.g., situate the fan to blow on you less directly, use central AC to manage the temperature, wear an eye mask).
I can’t sleep–what do I do?
If you find yourself lying awake for more than 20 minutes, there are things you can do!
First off, do not grab your phone. That will make a bad situation a million times worse.
Also avoid turning on any bright lights. If you need to, flick on a dim lamp.
Then do a low-energy, low-stimulation activity, like reading a book or listening to calming music. I love to recommend a body scan meditation. Be sure to turn on a sleep timer or turn off autoplay so that you can fade into silence instead of being jump-scared awake by an ad or the next YouTube video.
A body scan meditation is great because it’s a low-stimulation, calm way to keep your mind occupied on something low-stakes. It relaxes you, gives you nothing new to think about, and will usually lull you into an easy sleep.
They work especially great if thought spirals keep you awake.
This is one of my favorites on Spotify (for some reason it’s by a dieting podcast? I have never listened to it outside of this episode, and I’m generally against diet culture, so I’m not recommending the podcast other than this specific episode): https://open.spotify.com/episode/5IVkuDxYVvmdgG1ooDjgNn?si=e8f7828e74074721
And here’s one on YouTube: https://youtu.be/zegbbANEJgY?si=c9885bu1qpcO5UaQ
Why do I think so much at bedtime?
This is another component of how your whole day really leads up to bedtime. There is a common reason many of us fall into overthinking and anxiety-driven scenarios as soon as our heads hit the pillow: This is the first moment of silence your brain has had to catch up with your day.
There’s a LOT of processing we have to do. Mental processing and emotional processing. If every moment of your waking hours is stuffed full of activity and stimulation, your brain doesn’t have processing time, so it saves everything up until the first moment of silence: Bedtime.
Your brain says, “Phew! Okay, let’s figure all this out…”
Then you’re lying there staring at the ceiling, replaying conversations, feeling delayed embarrassment, regret, and anger, worrying about your life, making your to-do list for tomorrow, feeling more awake with every passing moment.
The solution is simple: Include quiet time throughout the day.
Maybe you implement a meditation practice–just a few minutes of mindfulness after breakfast or on your lunch break.
Try taking a 20-minute walk around the neighborhood without your phone.
Paint or sew without listening to a podcast or TV show.
Put little pockets of quiet time in your day for your brain to process and reset so it doesn’t start playing catch-up when it should be sleeping.
Creating your sleep routine.
Okay, all that said, here’s a step-by-step guide you can use to create, maintain, and adjust your ideal sleep routine.
1. Choose your wake time and calculate sleep time.
Deciding wake time first will make it more manageable for your particular schedule. What time do you need to wake up in order to do the things you need to do?
From there, decide what time you need to be asleep in order to hit your 7-10 hours of rest. After you’ve determined sleep time, aim to be in bed 15-30 minutes BEFORE you’d like to be asleep.
For example, if you decide you need 8 hours of sleep and to be awake by 7 am, you might want to be in bed by 10:30 pm.
2. Choose your activities.
You might have things that need to be done at night, but aren’t necessarily a part of your wind-down routine. These activities could be bathing and putting the kids to bed, cleaning up, meal prepping, and so on.
I recommend getting these things done BEFORE you start your official wind-down activities.
Then for wind-down activities, you can revisit the list we made above and choose what you’d like to try.
For example, you might want to clean the kitchen and walk the dog, then do your bathroom routine before you settle in for a coloring book sesh and a body scan meditation.
3. Create the routine.
My genius friend Sam has a sleep alarm. Not an alarm for waking up–just for sleeping. When his alarm goes off, he wraps up whatever activity he was doing, then starts his regimented nighttime routine.
You might need to make a checklist to keep you on track and solidify the habits–maybe even with time stamps.
Decide the order you’ll perform the routine and times to do it.
Note: You might not use EXACT timestamps. Instead, you could use windows of time, or simply follow the activity list in order, spending as much as you need for each.
4. Track it for a few weeks.
Try writing down what you’re doing for your nighttime routine, how often you’re sticking with it, notes of what does work or doesn’t work–with this information, you’ll be able to make better decisions over time about what is most effective for you.
It varies so much from person to person that everyone really has to try things out before they’ll know what works. Having data to work with really helps with making informed tweaks and improvements.
5. Consider a morning routine.
Like I mentioned earlier, a good morning routine really supports good sleep hygiene. Getting early sun exposure, movement, and positivity as soon as you wake up can set the tone for your day and help your circadian rhythm find its groove.
Read my post about minimalist morning routines next: The Best Minimalist Morning Routine for a Calm and Productive Day.
