It’s hard to see our friends struggling in any aspect of life, a cluttered living space included. Maybe you’ve already seen the light and decluttered your own house, and now you want to help others. That’s a lovely thought and a noble cause! But there are right and wrong ways to go about it.
Here are eleven tips of do’s and do-not’s that can help guide your interactions and strategies when helping someone else to declutter.
How to help someone declutter their house (do’s and do-not’s).
It’s SO sweet of you to want to help your loved ones find peace in their home. With even the best of intentions, it’s easy to misstep, overstep, and step on toes. Here are some great tips to help you help them without the upset.
1. Communicate about their needs.
Before you begin, try to understand what kind of help your friend is looking for. They might just want company while they work through it, or they might need someone to really push them toward decisions that they’re hesitant to make.
Be open about your intentions and their needs, and strategize the best way forward.
Here are a few clarifying questions you might ask:
- What made you want to start decluttering now?
- Is there a specific area you’d like to focus on first?
- What kind of help would be most useful to you—physical help, moral support, help making decisions?
- Would you like me to work alongside you, or just check in occasionally for accountability?
- Are there any items or categories that are off-limits for now?
- Would it feel better to do this slowly over time, or tackle it in a burst?
2. Avoid sensitive areas.
Try to avoid decluttering things like hobby items and sentimental stuff, unless your friend specifically wants to focus on those. They’re sensitive issues, you’ll stir up a lot of emotions, and it may become volatile.
Focus on bigger categories with less emotional ties. This can help bring their home to functional without the strife.
3. Remember it’s not your stuff.
Your opinion doesn’t matter a lot here. Default to what they’re saying. Don’t lead the charge into a category or area without their go-ahead. You’re there as support and encouragement–not to make decisions for them (unless they’ve specifically asked for that type of intervention, and you’re willing to do it).
4. Remember it’s not your problem.
Try not to bring your own emotions into this. It can be easy to slide from being the supportive friend to being the decision-maker. If they’re stubborn on something, it’s not your job to force or convince them. Provide the kind of support they’re asking for, and don’t take it personally.
5. Bring them this flowchart.
It’s much easier to support someone with the proper tools. Try out this flowchart that can help with decision-making so neither of you burn out:
6. Help keep them focused.
Often, the real help that we need when facing a big decluttering project is to stay focused on the task at hand. Help them set specific goals limited to a category or area, and keep working on THAT thing.
It’s easy to get led in many directions when we’re sorting our own belongings, because we have such a complicated relationship with everything. One neural pathway might lead to a category of items in another room, since we’re so intimately aware of everything in our home and often have emotional ties to it all.
An outsider can better focus on what we’re actually supposed to be working on, so you can be that guiding light that keeps them working on the task at hand.
7. Don’t let them burn out.
Similarly, it’s easier for an outsider to notice when the homeowner is becoming frustrated or exhausted. You might watch for these signs and suggest breaks when appropriate, or even set a timer for decluttering sessions with planned rest periods.
Note: I don’t recommend more than three hours of decluttering in a day, as a general rule.
8. Do mid-sesh donation and trash runs.
Decluttering has two main parts: Decision-making and physically moving items.
The decision-making is left up to the owner. You can handle the other part. That might mean clearing out boxes and bags, dropping off donations and recycling, and taking out the trash.
You can do the manual labor bit, and the managing of items once they’re sorted, leaving your friend free to do the sorting.
9. Be willing to chat it out.
Sometimes people just need someone to toss ideas at. Ask them questions about objects they want to keep, like–
- Why do you like this?
- Would you miss it if it disappeared?
- What do you use it for?
10. Offer support and kindness.
It’s easy to get ahead of ourselves and forget we’re there as a supportive presence. Don’t get so wrapped up in the goal of decluttering that you treat your friend harshly or push them too far.
Do what you can within the parameters they’re comfortable with, stay kind, and take breaks yourself if you feel that you’re getting exhausted or snappy.
11. Don’t suggest throwing everything away.
It’s easy to say, “Well, just throw all this out” about belongings that aren’t yours. But your friend’s perspective is obviously much different. Try to stay empathetic and gentle, rather than pushing them to rush decisions.
Offer help without helping.
You can point your friend in a good direction without actually getting knee-deep in their clutter and emotional turmoil. It’s possible to offer a helping hand while keeping both your hands.
One direction you might point them in is Home Heal. Home Heal is a 30-day course designed to help stressed out folks in chaotic homes find some peace and function without all the overwhelm.
