Declutter the Fantasy Self and Free Yourself | Intentional Minimalism

I talked about the fantasy self items I had to declutter, walking through all the things I had to realize and be honest with myself as I decluttered the excess in my life.

There were many comments of, “Me too! We could be twins!” And there were also comments of, “Why don’t you just make an effort to DO those things you fantasize about??”

What is the Fantasy Self?

The “fantasy self” refers to an idealized version of yourself that you imagine, but is disconnected from reality.

Maybe your true interests, capabilities, or circumstances just don’t suit that fantasy.

The fantasy self often influences our behavior, like purchasing and holding onto items you don’t need, whether that’s clothes you don’t actually wear or hobby materials you’ve never touched.

Common Examples of the Fantasy Self

Some types of the fantasy self is aspiring to be a certain type of person. For example, you might imagine yourself as a yogi, practicing yoga twice a day, meditating, taking nature hikes, reading spiritual books–so you buy mats and blocks and outfits and hiking gear to match that life. But that life isn’t real.

You might hold onto things that your fantasy self could use. Workout clothes you don’t wear, yoga equipment you never use, books you leave unread. If you’re actively living that lifestyle, and you haven’t in recent years, you’re probably holding onto a fantasy.

Your fantasy self might be an Aspirational Minimalist who idealizes a perfectly decluttered, neat home, but struggles to achieve that due to the other fantasy selves.

So the real question is: Who ARE you, right now?

Deciding who you are right now and decluttering based on it doesn’t mean it’s bad to have aspirations and self-improvement goals–it just means you’re serving the only You that exists.

How the fantasy self impacts decluttering.

The fantasy self is a major obstacle to decluttering. You may struggle to let go of those items you associate with your idealized self, even if the items don’t serve you.

It can feel like giving up to declutter those items.

It might feel like failure.

But it isn’t. Because you’re clearing away what doesn’t serve you to make room for what does.

So how do we figure out if it’s something we should let go of, or carve out time to pursue?

A big fantasy for me is homesteading. To provide for my family from the land we live on.

The fantasy is that I will have an urban homestead–chickens, goats, fruit trees, and a garden in every square inch of dirt. (I read “Farm City” ten years ago and I LOVED it.)

But, being completely honest with myself: 

I hate cleaning the chicken coop (been there, done that). The smaller the coop, the more often you have to clean it.

We’re not allowed to have goats or pigs within city limits.

We don’t have the luxury of well water, so, I have to pay for watering the garden (Yes, we’re getting rain barrels, but we don’t get enough rain in Montana to water a huge space).

I only have a certain amount of time to tend to these things and a full homestead would take more time than I am willing to give.

I don’t want to move out of town.

How I know it’s a fantasy.

Because I’m not willing to sacrifice the life I have now to follow a dream of homesteading, so it will never happen.

Letting go of the fantasy opens me up to enjoy reality.

You see, before, I kept garden books, canning jars, and supplies and was overwhelmed with guilt every time I saw them.

Guilt for not “doing what I intended to do.”

And I rarely had a garden, because my requirements were so big, it felt impossible.

Once I was honest with myself and let go of all the supplies that made me feel so bad, I now allow myself to have a garden (though MUCH smaller than “homestead” size), so I can enjoy being outside and tending it. 

I used to think that I SHOULD be able to do it all and therefore figured I must be lazy since I hadn’t done it!

But I wasn’t accounting for things–like the time it takes to raise children, the time I need to spend working and earning an income, the money it would take to build all the gardens, fences, planting trees, chicken coop, etc.

I also wasn’t considering the conditions… We have hot summers.

This means if I want to work in the garden it needs to be done in the early morning or near dusk. Am I willing to get up at 6 AM every day to tend the garden? Or skip evening social plans?

So when I consider everything, I know confidently that I love the idea of urban homesteading. But I am only willing to put in the work of a small garden.

What about other fantasy things?

I let go of quilting, scrapbooking supplies, stationery, cookbooks, yarn, and baking supplies.

All things that I have been drawn to at one time or another. But simplifying them made me much more intentional about the things I actually do.

I am capable of baking, and I enjoy it. But I don’t need to have cake decorating supplies and all the different-sized pans.

Letting go of all the excess meant that I could use my kitchen easier and cleanup was a breeze, so I actually ended up experimenting more often with new recipes.

I also got rid of the fantasy:

1. Making cakes like Duff (Ace of Cakes). I embraced making simple layer cakes that taste delicious.

2. Writing hand-written letters to family and friends, so I began reaching out to people in a more accessible way, like through a phone call.

3. Menu planning with a plethora of cookbooks. Instead, I found I was actually more likely to be inspired to cook something new without all of that information overwhelm.

Our fantasies are an expectation we have of ourselves, but if we take time to evaluate our interests/time/energy honestly, we know it will not actually take place.

Letting go of all those expectations, means we have the time to do other things–or realistic versions of the fantasies.

It’s amazing how much weight there is in expectations. 

Once those expectations are lifted, we’re free to take action. 

It feels easier.

Most of us that struggle with clutter are creative and capable people. It’s not hard to envision things, it’s not intimidating to start projects and we can become passionate about things fairly easily.

But just because we’re able to do so much, doesn’t mean we actually WILL do so much. Often the planning is more fun than the doing. 

But planning something is not the same as taking action on something.

We need to acknowledge how much time it will take to accomplish those things.

And we need to avoid collecting supplies for more projects than we can accomplish.

Someone once told me that we’re able to have 3 hobbies at a time. We don’t have the ability to do any more than that–so pick your hobbies and stick with them.

And it’s easier to bounce from hobby to hobby when you are a minimalist, if and when you set limits on yourself.

Examples of realistic hobbies.

Learn calligraphy. But only buy one notepad and a couple pens for it, and learn with a few YouTube videos. Don’t buy EVERY piece of calligraphy supplies and buy a course.

Take up gardening. But start with something like an herb bed–don’t try to make your entire property an Eden in one week.

Bake cakes. But don’t buy a million specialty pans. Use what you have.

Journal every night. But don’t buy a new journal until you’ve filled the old one.

Thinking about the 3 hobbies concept…

For me, at the moment my “hobbies” are gardening and cooking.

Some people wouldn’t add cooking to their list–and I probably wouldn’t either if I kept food simple.

But instead, I WANT to spend time making sourdough bread and experimenting with new recipes.

I WANT to make nutritious homemade food for my kids to take in their sack lunch.

If I wanted to simplify the cooking, I would do a Monday is spaghetti, Tuesday is tacos type system, which makes all the grocery shopping and daily cooking easier. And then the kids could take sandwiches every day and it would be fine.

But since I want something different than that, I’m choosing to acknowledge that cooking is one of my activities. Because it does take my time.

During the winter months, I won’t be gardening, so I can pursue other things like painting.

But I am not physically able to work on 9 different hobbies.

It doesn’t matter if I’m capable of them all, it doesn’t matter if I would excel at them–I have a finite number of hours, and I have to decide what are the most important to me.

During this phase of my life, I want to pay attention to parenting my children, and their diet and nutrition, so I have to acknowledge that that is going to take a significant amount of my time.

I also want a garden, which takes time in watering, weeding, and harvesting. Realistically, since I’m raising children and running a business, I don’t have a lot of spare time.

If I have extra time, I know it will get filled up easily with friends & family, reading books, talking walks, sitting outside, or vegging in front of the TV.

Not being able to do all the “fantasy self” things doesn’t mean we’re lazy or we’re procrastinating. It means we are able to evaluate our time and be realistic with the expectations we have of ourselves.

Overcoming the fantasy self.

Move past your fantasy self to make room for your real self.

Acknowledge the gap.

Recognize the difference between your fantasy self and your real self. You know yourself–ask yourself if the stuff you own actually aligns with who you are now.

Let go of guilt.

Lots of people feel guilty about letting go of goals and intentions. But it’s okay! We change and evolve in directions we could never imagine, and your fantasy self might just not line up with reality anymore.

Focus on the present.

When decluttering, focus on what serves you NOW. Not what might have served you in the past or what might serve an idealized version of you in the future.

Move forward with intention.

When you shop, acquire new things, or pursue a new interest, pause and ask yourself if the purchase is for your current self or your fantasy self.

Letting go of the fantasy self can be empowering, as it allows you to live more authentically, free from the pressure of trying to be someone you’re not. It also supports a more minimalist, intentional lifestyle where you surround yourself with things that truly add value to your life.

Journal prompts for the fantasy self.

If you need a venue for exploring the difference between Real You and Fantasy You, here are a few journaling prompts to get you going:

1. Understanding Your Fantasy Self

• What does my fantasy self look like? Describe the idealized version of yourself in detail. How does this version of you dress, spend time, and act?
• What activities or hobbies does my fantasy self engage in? Do these align with what I truly enjoy or regularly do? If not, why not?
• In what ways does my fantasy self differ from my real self? How do these differences affect my decisions around what I buy, own, and keep?

2. Recognizing the Impact of Your Fantasy Self

• What items in my home reflect my fantasy self rather than my real self? List things you own that feel connected to your fantasy self, and reflect on why you’ve kept them.
• Do I feel guilty for not living up to my fantasy self? Explore any feelings of guilt, shame, or disappointment around not embodying this idealized version of yourself.
• How does my fantasy self influence my shopping habits? What purchases have I made that were more about fulfilling the desires of my fantasy self rather than my actual needs or interests?

3. Letting Go of the Fantasy Self

• What aspects of my fantasy self am I ready to let go of? Which parts no longer serve me or align with my current life?
• What items could I declutter today that reflect my fantasy self but don’t add value to my real life? Start small—choose one or two things you could release without regret.
• What does letting go of my fantasy self feel like? Reflect on the emotions that come up as you consider parting with the expectations or ideals tied to your fantasy self.

4. Embracing Your Real Self

• What do I truly enjoy doing with my time? Focus on your real hobbies, passions, and ways you like to spend your time. How can you do more of these?
• How can I be kinder to my real self? What would it look like to honor who you are now, rather than trying to live up to an ideal?
• What items or habits support my real self? Consider what things or routines genuinely add value to your life today.

5. Moving Forward With Intention

• How can I make purchases that align with my real self? Reflect on ways to shift your buying habits to be more mindful and connected to your true needs.
• What boundaries can I set to avoid accumulating items for my fantasy self? Consider strategies, like asking specific questions before buying something, to keep future clutter at bay.
• What are small steps I can take to honor my real self every day? How can you celebrate or care for who you are now, even if it’s different from your fantasy self?

6. Reflecting on Growth

• How has my relationship with my fantasy self evolved over time? Look back on how your perceptions of yourself have changed and what you’ve learned in the process.
• What does living authentically mean to me? Define what it means to live a life true to your values, interests, and abilities, rather than someone else’s ideals.
• How do I feel when I focus on my real self instead of my fantasy self? Reflect on the emotions or sense of relief that come with letting go of unrealistic expectations.

What are the hobbies or fantasies you’ve given up?

And what are hobbies or activities that you decided to devote your time to?

Let me know in the comments below.